How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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