you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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