Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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