i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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