I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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