its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
