I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
