all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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