I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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