We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
