wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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