never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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