I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
