Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
