Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
