Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
