Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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