rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
