Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
