I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
