is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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