the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
