WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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