you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My life is pants optional.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
