Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
