dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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