oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
