I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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