The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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