I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I am available for nakedness
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
