how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
