It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
