do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
