white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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