There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
