We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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