No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
