I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
