Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I will be naked everywhere
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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