yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
