Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize