Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
