Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize