So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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