your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
