I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize