Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Pooping to opera.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
