Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This is classic penis vs brain.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
