smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize