Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
