I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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