she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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