You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
