Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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