And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
