Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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