census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
