I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I deserve to be covered in dicks
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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