i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
