my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
