I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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