there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
