So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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