Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
