thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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