youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
