I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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