if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
