I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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