She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
